A few of the ‘team leaders’ from the english congregation at church met with one of our pastors this afternoon to have an informal chat. It was a productive time and a lot of things were thrown around for improvement.
One thing that has struck me while serving at a chinese church is the parents of the youth. Apart from being a non-Cantonese-speaking Taiwanese at a Cantonese church, being of the ‘third culture’ generation as one of my friends puts it (i.e. not fully part of the Chinese or Australian culture and so creating our own hybrid one) makes it more difficult to understand the mentality of some parents. Cases in point: (1) pressure your children out of ministry to do well at uni; (2) not fully understanding the idea of an english ‘youth group’; (3) putting excessive pressure on children to perform well at school at all costs.
Now, many parents of youth I know aren’t as bad as I make them out to be. Often they’re appreciative, considerate and genuinely concerned for the wellbeing of their children. Which is hard for their children to understand, but in a few years time they will. Our pastor said something today though about the migrant syndrome which really hit me hard and made me reconsider the flak that I tend to throw the parents’ way.
Many of the people at church are migrants or children of migrants. My sister and I are too. As children who have grown up in Australian society, we rarely appreciate or understand how our parents feel and what drove them to immigrate from Hong Kong, Taiwan, China, Malaysia, etc to Australia. Our pastor, however, being a migrant himself, gave a bit more insight into this matter, and you can see the painful logic and reality in his point of view.
Migrants are basically like uprooted people. They are removed from their comfort zone, their friends, their family, where they grew up, where they are accustomed to, where they can communicate readily without feeling like a second-class citizen (or worse). They move to a foreign country, learn the language, have very few friends or connections, and bring up a family, all while feeling insignificant and out of place. What for? Perhaps for a better life for their children - a noble goal which most Asian parents strive towards.
So what would they want for their children? A secure future. How do Asians know best to do this? Through education. Aggravating factors include parents pushing their ideals and dreams onto their children. They want their kids to have what they couldn’t have - connections, comfort, security.
So perhaps it’s necessary for the third culture kids to give way a bit, and for the parents to give way a bit too. Third culture kids are struggling under parental pressures to study, and peer pressures to conform. Rebellion is rife. Parents think they don’t understand their own children, and children can’t understand why parents do what they do.
It gets particularly counterproductive when these struggles affect ministry. When parents view a university degree above serving God by spending time ministering to his children. When parents view the HSC above Christian fellowship and encouragement. When parents ram Christianity down their children’s throats and make them (naturally) rebel, and sadly run from the truth.
Let’s pray for an increased understanding between both parents and their third culture kids. Pray that parents wouldn’t put undue pressure on their children and thus frustrate them. Pray that kids would understand their parents’ hopes and respect them, while having the growing wisdom to choose what to do with their own life.
