CityRail customers
I guess the SMH Heckler isn’t interested in publishing an article that, in part, bags its own readers out. So here is is on my personal publishing platform, Wordpress.
There’s always much whinging about the standard of train services. I don’t disagree with these sentiments, but I reckon other factors like passenger etiquette have much to do with how much you enjoy your train ride. Or not. This is but a selection of the shining examples on show inside CityRail trains, in no particular order.
Big Kahunas are boys who have trouble keeping their legs together. Be it a low sperm count or overzealous showmanship, they decide that they must take up two seats worth of leg space to air their boys out, while pressing their leg against yours. Euck.
The Blackberries are close cousins. These overfed, overpaid executives must stay connected using all sorts of telecommunication paraphernalia which live in, of all places, their pants pockets. It’s great fun sitting next to one of these types, if you like an antenna in your thigh.
Mobile Megaphones, in the spirit of sharing their dinner plans with the rest of the carriage, choose to scream their conversation at their mobiles. I pity the person at the other end of the line. Oh, and TALKING LOUDER IN TUNNELS doesn’t make the signal any stronger, only the anger of fellow commuters.
iPod Blasters are sharing folk who blow their eardrums while polluting their air. I don’t want to hear JT bringing sexy back, and don’t care much for the latest hard trance groove. Alas, if only I were an otologist.
Knee Rubbers overestimate their flexibility and slenderness, and choose to always sit in the aisle seat. Doesn’t matter if there are two empty seats next to you – just block people from sitting down. And better yet, when people try to get past you, just casually sit up in your seat because this will obviously give them enough room to manoeuvre past your protruding knees.
Broadsheet Readers are also a pet hate. Pulling out their broadsheet newspaper behind you, they decide your hairstyle needs drastic remodelling and proceed to fluff your hairdo with today’s news. The most time-starved offenders even bring the newspaper in its delivery tube and perform a splitting rendition of nails-down-a-chalkboard while unwrapping their hairstyling device.
And if you’re fortunate enough to knock off early in the afternoon, you’ll be rewarded by hoards of school kids (travelling for free, no less) who make it their job to fill up empty seats with bags, talk like Mobile Megaphones, and like, are like soooooo like whatever to the death stares they receive from disgruntled co-passengers.
Now pass this article through someone’s hair and give it to that eavesreading Big Kahuna sitting next to you, and squeeze past that Knee Rubber blocking your exit from the aromatic evening train.
